I Revised And Now I See!

I chose the Intermission Two: Timed Writing as my revision piece. The assignment was to choose one of four movies to watch and analyze, then to consider my own perceptions of non-conformity, and write about how the film and group discussions challenged my perception.

I picked the movie “Off the Map”, which was about a young girl and her unconventional family living in a remote desert area of New Mexico. The mother is a free spirit who gardens in the nude, while her father is suffering from deep depression. Although the family lives on a very meager income an IRS agent shows up one day to audit them. This unexpected visit from the IRS agent sparks a series of changes and new discoveries for both the agent and the entire family.

For some unknown reason I found myself very intimidated by the timed writing assignments. As soon as that clock started my mind would go blank, I ended up writing very little and doing poorly. In this second timed writing I never got to the conclusion. Because I never got very far on this assignment it was very weak. An example of one weak area was my introduction, where I focused more on a review of the film than analyzing it:

“The film "Off the Map" challenged the perception that conformity is not only cultural, but personal as well. The Gridons are a non-traditional family living on a minimal income, living in the middle of the desert with their eleven year old daughter Bo who doesn't attend school. When William Gibbs, an auditor from the IRS arrives his presence begins to spark changes in not only every member of the Gridon family, but himself as well.”

Here is my revision to the above which is stronger because one it makes more sense, and two it begins the paper by answering the assignment prompt:

“The film “Off The Map”, as well as the group discussions, challenged my perception that non-conformity is just about resisting conformity or crossing lines, this film also showed me that society‘s established boundaries do not always coincide with everyone’s attitudes and beliefs. Society establishes boundaries between conformity and non-conformity by convention, laws, and expectations in our culture. For some people, the pressures of conforming to society are so great they are willing to step outside of those boundaries and test the lines of non-conformity.”

I thought revising this piece would be a great way to demonstrate my revision skills and hopefully redeem myself in the process by expanding on my perceptions of non-conformity and finishing my paper with a conclusion.

Works Cited

Off The Map. By Joan Ackerman. Dir. Campbell Scott. Prod. Campbell Scott and George Van Buskirk. Perf. Joan Allen, Valentina De Angelis, Sam Elliott, J.K. Simmons, and Jim True-Frost. 2003. Holedigger Studios, 2003. DVD